It’s a little amazing that I wrote this post last year. We had such a perfect weekend. A few weeks before I had read a book about purposeful weekends and so I am blessed to have so fully and intentionally used our last weekends together even though I had no idea he was about to die. I had started our last weekend with the thought of using every moment to heal, and be with family, and be restored. 

My husband had not been killed yet and we had had a wonderful weekend, but I remember even at the end of the weekend I was still so broken and tired. I was still working as a human trafficking prosecutor and the vicarious trauma I was experiencing was enormous. Even three days of perfection with my husband and daughter could not heal my mind. 

But now I sit here, and the end of another three day weekend, a full year later, almost a year since my husband was killed, four months since I changed jobs to a job that focuses on the positive, advocating for the value of all human life, not currently having the capacity to plan out a weekend, and yet…

God has fulfilled his promise to restore. My mind, heart, and soul are more healed now, even though we still grief his death, than they were after all those years in the trenches of the fight against human trafficking and child abuse. 

Yes, to God be the glory. 

(And as an aside, pray for those who still daily fight for these children) 

Because my capacity is so limited, doesn’t mean we didn’t have an amazing weekend. We just did things that were not planned. Both Saturday and Sunday we had friends over last minute to play and enjoy nature. God knows I don’t know what I need and can’t chase after it even if I do, so he plans the weekends these days and we learn to rest in Him. ​

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