It’s appropriate, minutes before Memorial Day to entitle my post Remember What We Are Fighting For, but I wasn’t really thinking about Memorial Day when I wrote the title. I was thinking about my post last night and my very real spiritual battle to be present and not numb mybrain. Because so often when we focus on the battle, we forget reason we are fighting. It is so hard to even picture a good world and a good heaven, or a good family and a truly peaceful heart, and so we either focus on nothing or we focus on the battle, but we don’t remember why we are fighting. We forget that God is fighting for our good.
Last night all I knew was that I needed to quiet my mind and pray, and for a long time it was really hard.
And then I slept peacefully.
I dreamed the dream I have been asking for since Shah died. A dream that was a gift and not just made up by my brain.
And I may or may not share all the details, at some point, but now I know the struggle I had last night was worth every tear.
It was for a reason. It was for my good. God wasn’t disciplining me or confronting my addiction because it was “wrong.” He was doing it for my good.