Grief

Loving for Two

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Today I just can’t believe that we cannot find a way to undo this and bring him back.  How can he be gone?  He never watched The Princess Bride or Star Wars.  He never went to Times Square.  He never tried Chicago Pizza.

Maybe none of those things would have been his cup of tea.  Maybe he wouldn’t even come back for those things if given a chance.

But it’s just not right.  It’s just not right.

Nothing will ever be the same again.  I will find new things that bring joy, but grocery shopping will never be that thing.  DSW will just be another store, not a special occasion.

Friends and family will be there to comfort me and lift me up, but they will not be able to fill his place.

But Zoya is different.

I did have a glimmer of hope yesterday.  A Facebook friend is on a vacation in a place we have talked about going for the longest time, since before he even moved here.  The photos were hard to see.  My first thought was that I’d never go there now.  But my second thought was about the joy it would someday bring to go there with Zoya.

She is the gift they left me, Shah and God.  She makes my heart smile each day.  She helps me dream about the future.  She helps me see goodness as I heal.

I am not learning how to love her alone.  I am learning how to love her for two people.

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