Grief Life Living in the Moment

Trying to Figure Out How to Move Forward


I don’t have a clue how to move forward, but I’m trying. Everyone should expect a lot of failed attempts and some successes. I should expect that of myself.

The day he was killed I remember thinking that there was no way I’d watch a single EuroCup game. We have great memories around Germany and the World Cup and he had been excited about EuroCup and watching with his friend he has just reconnected with from high school.

The photo of our feet is his from World Cup and mine from EuroCup. In two years, I’ll do Zoya’s as well.

I made it out of the house and to the place we watch the last game. It was fun. It felt right.

Zoya fell asleep in his friend’s arms while he was talking farsi in her ear.



My heart felt both happy and broken in bits when that happened. It was the most pain and then still peaceful joy.

I can’t even post the group photo we took after the game because I have one from two years ago with just me and him.

And then timehop shows me our messages from a year ago and he wanted me to keep her up til he got home at midnight cause he missed her, I had to teach him the word concierge so that he could understand where to drop off a package and I sent him what was his favorite photo of Zoya for a long time.


I don’t know how to do the 4th without him. I pray God will allow me to see everything through spiritual eyes, because the wrongness in the physical world will never be healed no matter how much water we enjoy.


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