Grief Uncategorized

Another Anniversary for Us

I never thought I’d be sharing this beautiful email I got from Shah. Three years ago today when we decided to apply for the fiance visa.   I also never thought I’d be posting these photos side by side, a photo of him playing and a photo of the place he was killed.

For me, today, rather than the day he proposed about a month before this, or the day he gave me the ring months later, is the anniversary of our engagement.  I loved that in his time on earth that we had so many special dates.  I think I’ll even be grateful for it in years to come as it will help me remember and tell Zoya our story and maybe will spread out the pain a little bit.

He was private and didn’t like me talking about personal stuff from our marriage in my blog, and I agreed with him.  But this part of this email, just shows his light so clearly that I want to memorialize it everywhere.  I don’t think he would mind.  Earlier in the night, before he sent this email, I’d told him yes, I wanted to marry him and would apply for a fiance visa.  I woke up the next morning to this email.

salam Camila ye ziba va mehraboon e man
oh first of all sorry that I’m writing this email lately . ohhhhhhh lots of things in my mind and I don’t  know how I can start … I want to start with beautiful things .  i’m excited that our relationship is growing up like a young tree and I can see happiness in your pretty eyes. and I have a feeling like a person who had a dream about something and now my dream is coming through I took  flight from the nest to do it . I’m flying with my own wings but it’s not just me . you are my fairy who is guiding me in this path and who is helping me to keep company with Jesus and God. and I’m in love with this fairy . and it’s an unique experience for a person who has been chosen by God ( as u said ) and when I think about all these  things even  bitter experiences , I see all of them are connected together somehow . I want to keep flying .

Shah kept flying.  His soul was so full of light and joy.  His soul IS so full of light and joy.

Evil killed his body.  It cannot kill his soul.

Shah went on to talk about me about his fear of losing me and how I was not just an ordinary friend or girlfriend for him.  I guess I lost him, or at least my ability to hold his hand and kiss him.  These are my questions today.  Can I still be united with him in Christ?  Can I still have fellowship with him in the Spirit?

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and ALL THESE THINGS shall be added unto you.

UPDATE 2017: I’ve been missing my love so much recently.  The pain has been so strong.  Also, his presence has been so strong. The love is strong and the pain is strong. How will I ever, in this world, be okay that this soul was killed? And breathe. This is not the end. We will be together again. Play and worship. I must keep my focus on things that remind me that this world is not the end. 


3 comments on “Another Anniversary for Us

  1. Tami Overly

    Thank you for sharing these very special memories. They are a testament to God and how much He loves us. Bless you my friend.


  2. So lovely to catch a glimpse into this man who loved you. Thank you for sharing this.

    Liked by 1 person

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