The Life We Thought We Were Going to Lead

If I were to entitle this photo it would be The Life We Thought We Were Going to Lead. Just weeks before he was killed, taken during one of many last life giving weekends.

We were still feeling refreshed from our trip to San Francisco. I had been inspired by a few books I was reading to really make every weekend count, to celebrate life, and focus on renewal and REcreation.

I was in the middle of a trafficking case listening to hours of recordings of a many abusing his girl. I entered that weekend with a goal of spending 48 hours looking for good. That job was my vicarious trauma. How much more important is that during this time of non-vicarious trauma.

Shah had reconnected with a high school friend and was loving play dates and hanging out with someone who knew both his past and his new family life. It was four years and one day from the day he fled Iran, so the connection to his high school years with someone else who was now a devoted American family man really gave us both a new and greater sense of wholeness. It’s not easy to make closer friends with people who don’t share any of your history or your language. This family was an answer to prayer that we never thought to pray.

I know I’m not the only one mourning on this Mother’s Day. There are many days I’m content and even happy with my life with Zoya and the adventures that lie ahead. But this morning I grieve. I grieve the loss of this man I loved. I grieve the loss of our three person family. I grieve the loss of this clean house and capable man who was the most hospitable host. I grieve the loss of the future we were working towards where I got to stay home with Zoya.

This family has continued to be a blessing as they are my only personal link to Shah’s past in Iran. They had these same excitement as Shah and I did for renewed friendships, completely destroyed by an angry man who cared nothing for life.

Satan stole so much from us. Evil killed, stole, and destroyed, so much from this world.

And now we wait. We mourn and are comforted. We trust that God will restore. We wait for the resurrection, not only of Shah, but of dreams fulfilled. We pray for healing. We pray for redemption.

God has been telling me over and over that he will take care of me, that he will provide for us. So today, I lay my cry before him and wait expectantly. I will spend my day looking for good, looking for God’s provisions, letting God show his love.