Mommy and Me ballet classes were the first thing that created that spark of hope that Zoya and I would not only survive my husband’s death, but that we could thrive. A few weeks after he died, someone sent an email to a mom’s group asking about Mommy and Me ballet classes. It was more than a year before I could sign Zoya up for the classes, but it gave me a brief vision of a life we could live that would still be good. (It’s actually a miracle that when we started the classes a year and a half later I wasn’t left with a deep sense of disappointment.)
Travel and theater are the two other things that have given me a vision of a life Zoya and I can enjoy as a family of two. God created us each uniquely and provided different ways for us to enjoy Him and His provisions.
While grieving or depressed, it can be so hard to imagine anything that would bring joy. It is part of the hopelessness that feeds depression. The depressed and grieving understand this verse takes as much faith as belief in the resurrection, or even more.
“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.”
Psalms 27:13 NASB
“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.”
Psalms 27:13 NASB
It can be easier to believe in eternal life and a resurrected body than it can be to believe that this world will be good again.
That is why those things that give us a vision of hope should be treasured and nurtured.
Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18.
Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18.
Ballet (which I didn’t even know if I was going to have Zoya do before it sparked that moment of hope), theatre, and travel, aren’t exactly cheap, but life is about priorities and right now, celebrating the things God has created me to enjoy is a top priority.
I wish I could say I was praising God throughout the pain of the last two years. I have trusted him. I have doubted him. I have had peace and hope; but a heart of gratitude, worship, and praise, is only now growing. Through it all, He has been with me, and despite the evil and darkness, He prepares a table for me to enjoy.
God Provides for Us 
Beautiful post. So sorry for your loss, and so glad you are a daughter of God. Blessings to you and your little one.
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Thank you. If I ever get a tattoo it will say Daughter of God in Farsi. Understanding that was life changing and brought me to a place of being ready to meet my amazing late husband
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