Grief

2017 is Over – We Survived!!

If you are reading this you survived 2017.  Many of you thrived.  I’ve certainly had years that were so good I was sorry to see them go.  2017 was not one of those years.  For sure, it had a few highlights, especially in the first half, but this last part has been HARD.

I made it to grand total of one holiday related party and it was just an afternoon event.  I’m actually not even sure I was invited to any more than that. I started the season so excited, but first work and then sickness made it impossible to do much of anything besides work and tend to the sick.  We dealt with the stomach flu before Christmas and last night her staccato cough made me feel like I was sleeping with a machine gun.

But this is not a post about complaining.  This is a post about picking yourself up and fighting again.  It is a post about not giving up.  2018 could be better.

I LOVE the new year.  I have FOUR goal setting, balance evaluating planners this year.  Last year, I searched a while and only found one I loved and several that were ridiculous.  But this year I love all four of these.

I think New Years makes it easy to be purposeful and intentional about life.

For me, New Years isn’t so much about deciding what I want to do and setting my own goals as it is listening to try to hear God’s voice and align myself to His vision for my future.  I don’t always year want I want to hear.

I’ve pretty much worked up until Friday so I haven’t had nearly the amount of time I would have liked, but in the last two days I’ve had a few moments to begin my normal end of year processing.  Next week, I’ll finally take a bit of a Christmas vacation.

But I do have some clue what I think my theme for the next few months to be.  It’s certainly not a word and isn’t even quite a phrase.  It is a question.

WHAT IS THE NATURE OF GOD?  Is God good?  Is he faithful?  Is he kind?  Is he forgetful?  Is he mean?  After walking with him nearly 40 years, I kinda know the answers, but I really need to take some time to really seriously think this through.  I mean, I could have told you at any point if you asked that I had a kind, loving husband, but that doesn’t mean I always thought about and appreciated how good he really was.   I see so many people talking about being present and really seeing their children and family.  I want to do the same with God.

I need it.  It’s been a very hard year and I’ve definitely had days where I felt entirely hopeless and truly doubted His goodness.  I’ll talk about this more later, but it wasn’t my own loss that caused me to doubt nearly as much as others loss.  I was given full grace to withstand my own loss, quite miraculously.

My goals this year are not going to be easily measurable as others.  They are going to focus more on mental, emotional and spiritual health.  I just might be okay next year.

So bring it on!!

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About Camila

Based in Atlanta, but from the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Sister to 16 siblings (Yes, some of are adopted). Daughter of God.

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