So yesterday it was 11:30 pm and I had not decluttered a thing. To keep from having a completely wasted day I choose something very small and did it before going to bed.
I want to believe slow and steady is enough. I want to believe as long as I don’t quit somehow this whole project fewer things will get done.
Today was a hard day. The wave of grief really started last night when I let some of our candles. Whenever I step back and look at the bigger picture of everything I need to get accomplished it can be very overwhelming. Comparisons are rarely useful, but sometimes they help you pit things in perspective.
I am on a secret widow Facebook group and when I hear people stories I very often realize how good I have it and how much support I have and how little drama. So many widows do not have the family, friends, and church support that I have. So many don’t have an engaging toddler. So many widows are facing their own dire economic and health. So many have lost even more than I have.
However, I don’t think I have heard anyone’s story who has even close to as many outside responsibilities, in addition to the home and family ones that we all share. I know they are out there, but there are not many. I’m not complaining. Those responsibilities give me the flexibility I need for Zoya, the blessing of a stable income, and somewhere to direct my passion. But factually, I’m going to have breakdowns and must find a way to integrate more renewal and support into my life, if I’m going to be able to sustain this level of living.
That being said, I needed a project that was a little more instant gratification than files that have been sitting there for a year. So tonight’s thirty minute project will make me smile tomorrow morning.