Grief

It’s Coming – 2016 – New Year

I’m getting ready for another year and a new focus. I might have to go back to the chalkboard method. I liked the way it kept my goals in front of me all year long. I’m happy for the ne…

Source: It’s Coming – 2016 – New Year

WOW, what I wrote and was thinking at the beginning of 2016 had to do with the stripping away and loss.  I tried to take comfort in Drawing Close to Jesus, which was going to be the result of the loss, but still, the word was stripping away and loss.

I remember not wanting it to turn 2016.  2015 had been so great.  2014 had been so great.  I dreaded 2016 and it came all the same.

It came with the murder of my husband, the loss of my love and the head of our family.

It did come with a drawing close to Jesus and a new love for scripture.  God did hold me close and got me through.

It is still something I would change if I could, but I’ve also survived and grown.

On Sunday night, I was having an imaginary conversation with a stranger and I told that stranger my husband died last year.  That statement brought some bit of strange and surprising relief.  I didn’t know what the new year would feel like.  I didn’t know what it would be like to be in a year that he never entered.  But I woke up Sunday no more separated from him than I’d been the day before, and I guess a day closer to being with him again; and I woke up a calendar date separated from the trauma of the murder.

I’d give anything to have him back, to be able to hug and kiss him again.  But since God has not given him back to me, I’m glad I’ve survived long enough to put some space between myself and that evil.

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About Camila

From the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Pro-life leader. Sister to 16 siblings. Daughter of God.

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