I like to buy a few Christmas decorations each year after Christmas. They are insanely cheap and I like the idea of having our house a little more festive each year, rather than going out the first Christmas and buying everything.
But this year it felt so different. Last year I bought things and packed them away for our Christmas this year. He never got to enjoy them. A few of them were destroyed when the basement flooded and the tablecloth that survived was enjoyed by his friends, but not him.
This year the excitement over buying things I thought would add to his cheer was completely gone. But still I bought, feeling as mechanical as a robot, but still willing myself to have faith that life would continue and new life would come.
God Provides for Us 
I’m glad you’re being kind to yourself and not forcing things by doing what you aren’t yet ready to face. Fourteen years later, I still find it difficult to put out our nativity set – simply because Danny thought it was so exceptionally beautiful and was so awestruck when we first received it. I’ve only displayed it once since that time, and I may never do it again, but I’ve decided that that’s okay.
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Thank you Linda. It’s so important to be reminded that you don’t “have” to do anything. I think some of the smartest and bravest people are those who have been willing to scrap traditions and EXPECTATIONS all together and go to Vegas or Italy.
And it’s also important to remember, it won’t all be better just because it is no longer the “first.”
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