Grieving The Verb

When you say someone is grieving or mourning, what exactly does that mean?  It’s a verb. It’s not an emotion. It’s so much more than feeling sad. 

It’s something I’m doing right now, though it’s not really something that I can describe.  But it’s something that is exhausting and takes up most of my time. Sometimes it feels like an invisible time suck. Other times it’s more about the black hole it creates in my brain. Because it’s hard to put into words, it’s hard to put into thought. But it’s a very real thing I’m doing that leaves me exhausted, out of time, and unable to fully process thoughts by the end of the day. 

I feel like I put all of my energy into each day only to come to the end of it with so little accomplished. But that is just because I don’t recognize the massive amounts of grieving I have done.  It’s a real thing I’m doing. It just doesn’t produce a clean house or much else that I can check off my to-do list. 

I had time to processs my year and do a reset much the same as I do each year. But in that reset I forgot to account for my main job right now, Mourning Shah. 

I don’t know how to put that on a to-do list, but I know I do it better when I’m walking outside. So that’s on the list for now. And in time maybe I’ll have more words.