I’ve been thinking about gratefulness again and being thankful. It’s that weird thing they call a “widow blessing” where you are grateful for something you can do or have because of the loss of your spouse, though you never would have chosen it. It can feel selfish and is awkward, but the truth is good still comes, despite tragedy and loss.
I’ve heard it called a “widow blessing,” but it’s the good that follows any loss. You wish you still had him by your side, but since that isn’t to be, can you be grateful you don’t have to do as much laundry? You wish you had his laundry to do, but at the same time, is it possible to find the blessing?
On a much grander scale that lack of laundry (because he really did all the laundry and most of the cleaning and cooking, so I don’t have “normal” widow blessings), I’ve been blessed to have been able to work 30 hours per week and be home with Zoya almost every afternoon by 2:30. She is barely awake 3 hours without me at home and with those three hours she is playing with her aunt who she loves.
Yes, I wish he were here, though I’m again learning to be happy for him that he is today with Christ in paradise; but now that it is winter and I’d normally never see the daylight, I’m so grateful that I can play outside with my daughter on a week day, before the sun sets.
(And do you see how adorable this dress is? It was definitely a camera day.)