I’ve had trouble enjoying fall the past many years, because rather than living in the present, I’ve been too focused on the coming death of winter. I hate going to work and leaving work when it is dark. This year I was determined to embrace fall and live in the moment. So this fall themed weekend was the perfect way to mark the new season. Food and nature are my happy things.
How ironic! I spent years not enjoying fall, because I dreaded the death of the coming winter. I wrote that just last year.
Last year, was the first year I was able to embrace fall and live in the moment. Shah even taught me to embrace the dark coziness of winter. Winter was full of family time, candles and snuggling.
Now, more than ever I know worrying does nothing. Shah’s death has been worse than imaginable and at the same time God has given more grace and comfort than imaginable.
I’ve almost survived a season without him. I never wanted to have a season without him. He taught me to love all the seasons. He so drastically changed my life for the better.
This morning I had a waive of horror. The suddenness of him happily talking to us, his friends and family, working to provide, having conversations with customers, planning for our future and then ..| Suddenly shot dead. I am not always OK. I shake. I scream. I have trouble catching my breath.
I can look at it two ways. In the physical world, suddenly it all ended. Done. Gone. No reason.
In the spiritual world, I completely believe that at the moment Shah became absent from his body, his spirit became and continues to be present with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:8
Shah is with God. God is with us. I’m not sure exactly what that means Shah being with us. There is so much I don’t know.
When I can see through spiritual eyes, we can survive. When I can only look at this physical world, I freeze at the horror of everything.
God with us. Shah with God. Team Zolfaghari.