I need to remember the good days. I have to write them down so I remember them on the hard days.
On the hard days, it’s hard to believe there are days we are happy. But there are. Some days it’s me and Zoya playing here on earth, and Shah with God with us. I can talk to God and Shah like they are listening. I know God is, maybe Shah is as well. It feels like he is.
Other days, it’s Ariel making Zoya shriek with laughter and coming home to a clean house and weeded garden and feeling blessed and like through others honoring Shah, God is still taking care of us.
Other days are terrible. Awful. We just feel the loss.
But these days of feeling like a complete family do sometimes exist. And in time, after many many more dreadful days, the good days will become more normal.