The Split Brain of a Widow

Half of my brain is in Florida right now, thinking about the safety of friends and family, and traveling through Georgia as the storm closes in on Atlanta. 

Half of my brain is in the past, with him, is Sausalito when he rested his head on my lap by the lake…

In Fethieye, where we spent our first Thankgiving in our favorite place in Turkey…

In Santa Ana, where he pushed her in a swing for the first time…
These photos are all taken in Canada where Zoya is meeting his parents for the first time. 

My brain isn’t here. I’m feeling more in love with him than ever. Surely the beauty here will heal. As we rode in the car today she said, “Mama, let’s talk about Daddy.”  It’s not all right because he isn’t here. 

Parts of this trip makes him very real because I keep realizing parts of this trip would drive him crazy. I miss being more concerned for how he was feeling than how things were or weren’t bothering me. His needs were a good distraction. 

But none of these things are really BEING here. But sometimes, it’s okay to not be where you are. Sometimes your brain wants to roam and you have to just let it wander. 

Tomorrow will be another day. Tomorrow I may pull it together. 

About Camila

Based in Atlanta, but from the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Sister to 16 siblings (Yes, some of are adopted). Daughter of God.

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