I love blogging because it helps me see progress over time. It helps me see in concrete written form that what is on my mind one day, will not necessarily last, but that with new days come new growth and new insight. A few days ago, when I spent my night up with a sick baby girl, but somehow, aka divinely, was blessed by a grateful heart, I thought the best thing to ever pray for someone who has experienced loss was for a grateful heart, a heart that focused first on the good even in the worst of circumstances.
Now that is still a great thing to pray, but in the last few days I’ve experienced something else that I want others to also be blessed with … SLEEP.
I didn’t have too much trouble sleeping when Shah first died. I would leave the Gospel of John playing on my phone and drift in and out of sleep. It brought me lots of peace and insights as I slept. It wasn’t deep sleep most of the time, but it was sleep. For many months after he died I got enough sleep. When I started my new job as executive director of Georgia Life Alliance, and I found myself in charge of a pro-life organization, with all of the additional responsibilities that come from being in charged coupled with all of the challenges of learning how to do a new job, I started having trouble falling back asleep after I woke up in the morning. For the first time in my life, the sleep after the alarm goes off, my favorite type of sleep, was no longer possible. I usually woke up before the alarm and started working immediately.
Then as the anniversary of Shah’s death approached, sleep got even more illusive. I found myself staying up until 2:00 am and was still not able to sleep in.
And then sleep returned.
Oh My Wow Awesome Peace Luxury #IagreewithBrady. Sleep is the ultimate luxury.
I was grateful for strength without sleep, but sleeping in past my alarm clock for two days in a row has been amazing. I don’t care at all that it means I have to work late. I’m grateful I have that flexibility today.
So to add to my prayer list for the grieving:
- A grateful heart
- Sound sleep
- … I’m sure there is more to come in a later post as I keep being taught and keep growing