And That’s All I Can Do

I knew today was going to be a loaded day when I finally reconnected his number to a phone last night and had 15 voice messages, many from the night he was killed. 

So I made a priority list for work, got it done, and quit. I love my job but there is never an obvious stopping point. But I know myself, and there is only so far I can push myself right now. 

So I made a plan for some fun with a friend this afternoon. Play dates have opened up a whole new world of activities and friendships that are a lifeline right now. 

And then I did it. I listened to the messages that thankfully were almost all hang ups and I logged into his Lyft account and I got his tax information. 

And I have nothing left. 

I have 10 minutes to sit alone in the dark in my room and then I’ll get Zoya back and go through some motions. 

The day isn’t done though. I still have to go through his closet and get pack some of his stuff. 
I’m just done. Functioning is dropping to zero. I’m glad these times come in waves. I still feel like I’m trying to function while being half a person. I miss him. 

About Camila

Based in Atlanta, but from the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Sister to 16 siblings (Yes, some of are adopted). Daughter of God.

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