I knew today was going to be a loaded day when I finally reconnected his number to a phone last night and had 15 voice messages, many from the night he was killed.
So I made a priority list for work, got it done, and quit. I love my job but there is never an obvious stopping point. But I know myself, and there is only so far I can push myself right now.
And then I did it. I listened to the messages that thankfully were almost all hang ups and I logged into his Lyft account and I got his tax information.
And I have nothing left.
I have 10 minutes to sit alone in the dark in my room and then I’ll get Zoya back and go through some motions.
The day isn’t done though. I still have to go through his closet and get pack some of his stuff.
I’m just done. Functioning is dropping to zero. I’m glad these times come in waves. I still feel like I’m trying to function while being half a person. I miss him.