Grief

First Anniversary Apart

Today was our third anniversary and the first anniversary we spent apart, me on earth and him with God. I can’t believe we only had three heats together. It felt so much longer. It felt like my entire life. 

I missed him terribly today and I wish we were celebrating today together, but … today was a very good day. 

Every prayer, every text, every call, every note, every visit, every gift, meant so much. Like a new friend who is a new widow recently said, this isn’t the way I planned our future, but God knew it was our future and still had good gifts in store. 

The day was full of little things adding up to big things, letting me know what I’ve been learning since Shah died, this physical world is not all there is. There is a very real and lasting spiritual world that though we don’t see with our physical eyes is even more real than what we see. 

There was the chance meeting of dear friends at a random restaurant. There was my randomly being at a shopping center I’ve never been to for a friend of a friend who lives far far away and deciding to write from a Barnes and Noble that I see, where I almost never go and suddenly getting a gift card in my email for B&N while I’m there, though no one knows I’m there but God. 

I miss him terribly but today there was a break from the grief to enjoy all the love and all the gifts, the words, the flowers and the babysitting. 

Today I enjoyed life again. 

Thank you all. 

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About Camila

From the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Pro-life leader. Sister to 16 siblings. Daughter of God.

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