Dancing Girl and Peppered Thoughts

I been a broken mess for the last few weeks. I miss him so much. But finally this weekend, I was able to see light shining through the cracks. ​​ 

This delighted girl dancing at a bubble dance party is the highlight of my weekend. 

But my mom coming down to watch Zoya, all the hard working from younger siblings, and of course the constant help from Ariel, my sister who still lives with us, is what gives me room to even see the blessing she is and the hope for the future. 

I finally got away from it all for a few hours with a friend and I started to feel rays of hope and started to hear God whispering to me again. 

Self-care and time away seem to take constant effort and prioritization. It’s true for many people. Remembering to schedule a babysitter, whether it is for a date night or time to rest and heal alone, is hard to prioritize. It very often takes someone to reach out and offer to help. 

There wasn’t one big epiphany moment this weekend, but rather lots of little thoughts as I spent time, not working or watching a toddler. 

Don’t become resentful. Prioritize healing. I’m not healthy enough right now to survive on spiritual or mental junk food. Plan self care. Return to journaling. I’m not in a green pasture or beside still water right now. 

None of these thought were fully developed, just all rays of light that give hope for tomorrow. 

I didn’t choose this, but I can choose whether I will live with resentment. 

I can choose whether I’m going to complain about what is lost or enjoy these dancing legs.