Grief

Traveling Without Her Daddy

I don’t know how I’ll do vacations and “fun” travel again without him. Just downloading the Airbnb app brought tears because the fun of searching for a place and daydreaming about our time there is gone. 

We’ve traveled some with Ariel, but this week it’s just the two of us. We are with amazing people and I’ve had fantastic and encouraging talks. Zoya is having a great time, but it just feels so strange. He should have been the one playing with her while I worked and I should be laying here now talking to him about my day. Instead I read and write. 

It feels weird to me and to Zoya. She’s talked about him more than normal. She told me the shampoo in the tub was her daddy’s shampoo and she told me the footsteps upstairs were him too.

Each new day there are more and more “I didn’t realize he wouldn’t be here for this.”  

This isn’t what we wanted. God has been gracious. We’ve been blessed. I’m glad I’m about to face a new challenge professionally and spiritually in this new job and the season it brings. But I wish he was still here with us and that I was still the luckiest girl in the world to be with such an amazing man every single day. I’m so glad he traveled with me for our few years together, so at least I had an amazing life to miss. 

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About Camila

From the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Pro-life leader. Sister to 16 siblings. Daughter of God.

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