First Christmas Adam – Breakdown

Someone said something to me the other day about being so strong and not breaking down. I know I’ve said this before, but I don’t have every moment of my life in public or on the blog. Very often, the things I write about are the insights and glimmers of hope that come after darkness and screams. I write because I need to remember the hope and light when the next break down comes. 

I know others are broken and hurting today as well. I’m usually the only one at the cemetery, but today it’s filled with people remembering thowe we can no longer hug. 

I don’t want anyone to ever judge themselves by the moments of grace God gives me. It’s been over six months and I had my biggest screaming breakdown last night. But I do not at all know that there are not still worse to come in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. If you are one that is grieving by staying in bed all day long, you aren’t weaker. Maybe you are stronger, and you are facing the loss more directly than my brain allows. We are all differnt, but the same. I shake and scream too. And I gather with friends and laugh and smile. And God meets our individual needs in a way only the Creator knows how

About Camila

Based in Atlanta, but from the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Sister to 16 siblings (Yes, some of are adopted). Daughter of God.

1 comment on “First Christmas Adam – Breakdown

  1. We all grieve in different ways. There is no right way to do it and there is no timeline. Anger and rage are part of the grief process too and can’t be bypassed. Six months is a milestone, but it is not the first year, with all of the firsts without him that you have to get through.
    In my grief I both stayed in bed and raged and screamed and cried. It depended on the day and on what else was happening in a life that didn’t stop just because I had a hole the size of a mac truck in my life and my soul. My heart and my prayers go out to you and your daughter. I wish I could take the pain for you.


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