My little love is still a bit sick. So while she makes forlorn faces, I’m playing with my new camera. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing her smile again.
How do I do this single mom life? I am not sure what should do or how I should do it? I knew how to be single. I needed one or two nights alone, per week, max. Married life, I was never alone. It was only a few times during our marriage that he was working and I was home alone in the evenings. I learned how to do that.
But this? Widowhood, single parenthood. I don’t have a clue. How many nights should I stay home alone with a one year old? Do I risk going crazy? I don’t want to socialize with the TV. Do I just stay home and read?
I know stay at home moms get bored and lonely, but this is different. It’s night. It’s forever.
And there it is again. This is why I can’t look at the future, without hope. I can’t look at today and project it out into the future, because that is dark and dreary.
Today gratefulness: my home is warm, my sister is here, my baby is asleep.
Tomorrow, I just have to hope for better. I hope I’ll learn a new rhythm that includes more time with people. I hope tomorrow looks different. I hope for joy.
And I have faith that someday these hopes will be realities.