Grief

Too Much Solitude – Finding Balance

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My little love is still a bit sick.  So while she makes forlorn faces, I’m playing with my new camera.  I’m definitely looking forward to seeing her smile again.

How do I do this single mom life?  I am not sure what should do or how I should do it?  I knew how to be single.  I needed one or two nights alone, per week, max.  Married life, I was never alone.  It was only a few times during our marriage that he was working and I was home alone in the evenings.  I learned how to do that.

But this?  Widowhood, single parenthood.  I don’t have a clue.  How many nights should I stay home alone with a one year old?  Do I risk going crazy?  I don’t want to socialize with the TV.  Do I just stay home and read?

I know stay at home moms get bored and lonely, but this is different.  It’s night.  It’s forever.

And there it is again.  This is why I can’t look at the future, without hope.  I can’t look at today and project it out into the future, because that is dark and dreary.

Today gratefulness: my home is warm, my sister is here, my baby is asleep.

Tomorrow, I just have to hope for better.  I hope I’ll learn a new rhythm that includes more time with people. I hope tomorrow looks different.  I hope for joy.

And I have faith that someday these hopes will be realities.img_4868

 

 

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About Camila

From the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Pro-life leader. Sister to 16 siblings. Daughter of God.

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