It’s Harder and Harder

This is a hard stage. I think those who said the hardest time was between 6 and 12 months were probably right. I’m not there yet, but I’m getting close and it’s getting harder. 

I want this to be a happy time. Baby is 18 months old. I’ve been looking forward to this time for so long. I’ve always thought 18 month olds were the best and she’s amazing, but I’m struggling. I don’t know how to be happy in this new life. 

I learned how to live single. I learned how to love married.  I don’t know how to love widowed single mom.

I’m told I need to take care of myself and do restorative things, but I don’t even know what to do. 

This should have been a morning of family play and relaxing in bed, but a random stranger with no respect for life ended his life and ours as we knew it. My feet are cold and I have no one to put them on. 

My goal has been to serve him. Now we just practice surviving. I miss him. 

I trust some morning, someday, God will bring hope and joy. It’s just not today. 

About Camila

Based in Atlanta, but from the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Sister to 16 siblings (Yes, some of are adopted). Daughter of God.

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