I went to Savannah for the first time snce Shah died. I expected waves of tears. They didn’t come. I don’t know why. I remembered all the times we ate different places and where I nursed her on the bench and in the tea shop and where we went to the bathroom and changed her diaper. But there were no emotions. I couldn’t remember the joy. I know we had a lot of joy here because we both wanted to move. But I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t remember it. Sometimes the tears are easier than the foggy days where you can’t feel the good.
But the joy of this little one when she convinced me to let her get down and walk around the restaurant was enough for today.
One day closer to joy with him again.