One of the best gift’s Shah gave me was always being honest. My job tends to make me distrustful. I spend an awful lot of time reading the texts of men who are buying girls for sex, business men in committed relationships. But Shah proved time and time and time and time again that he was always truthful. Easy or hard, he was honest. I love him for that and it is a gift that keeps giving. As I learn more and more about him, it is confirmed over and over again that he was honest and a man of integrity.
There are so many kinds of loss and so many people when they lose their spouse, don’t only lose their present and hoped for past, they lose their past when they learn it has all been a lie. I know we can’t rank loss, but there is a part of me that knows if he’d been dishonest this would be a million times harder.
These photos remind me of that because when his mom sent them to me a few weeks ago she said they were from his trip to the nation of Georgia. I was so confused, because I don’t remember him every saying he went to Georgia. And then she remembered they were from his trip to Armenia. I smiled. Once again, in the smallest of things, he told the truth (I may have these backwards now, it’s late.)
I knew he was honest. We swapped phones all the time. We kept our lives open books. But still, every time I learn something new about it and it is exactly what I thought I knew, it is like a fresh gift.
And if you look closely you can see that he is wearing the necklace that he got when he got baptized. He always wore it and I always wear it now.