It doesn’t matter how much faith I have that someday I’ll get to stay home with my children, some days are just hard. I’ve cried most of the morning and am already anticipating more crying to come. It’s hard. I feel like I’m mourning the death of a dream. It was always my plan to stay home with my children. But financially we don’t have a way for me to do that yet. Sometimes I think I should just quit and let God provide miraculously. But I’m not sure that is what would happen. We got behind on our credit card when I was out for my 12 week maternity leave. I don’t want to make a foolish choice and put us deeper in a hole and further from where we ultimately want to be. I feel like im already dealing with consequences of poor financial decisions like school debt. I dont want to make any new ones. I trust God will provide for the future, but I’m still sad that I can’t be with her today.