Marking May: A Month of Joy and Grace

A Month Like No Other

A friend recently asked me how we mark the month of May with all its significant events – my daughter’s birthday, my late husband’s birthday, the anniversary of our first date, our last date, Mother’s Day, and then one hour after the month is over, the anniversary of his death. Is it a celebration of life, a memorial, a time of mourning?

Nine years out, and I really didn’t have solid answer. I did experience a weird amount of pressure when the month started. My now older and very aware daughter announced on May 1st that our special month had begun. Our life has been increasingly full of friends, energy, health, and meaningful work. But I am lacking the mental and financial bandwidth to make May special by my own effort.

The Surprise of Enough

Peace has returned since that beginning of the month anxiety. I was completely unprepared for the first big event, her birthday, but friends and a field trip, left her full of delight. Now 8 days into the month, I’m back to trusting that God will take care of us this month, as always.

I have tried to make May special for my daughter in the past. I don’t want the anniversary of his death to be something that is dreaded or feared. However, this year there is something wonderful about knowing that I don’t have what it takes to make this month magical. This year, the theme is…

Sit back and watch Him work.

Seeing Grace

It’s a good reminder that I’m not the one that made our last May with my late husband so special. For those who have followed our story, you may remember that in the hours, days, and weeks after my husband’s death I continually saw God’s hand in our last weeks preparing us what can never be prepared for, a random act of violence. So much of my peace through the horror, was based on seeing God’s very real hand at work in the days leading up to his death.

How Do We Mark May?

So, how do we mark May? I think we are just more attentive to the gifts in each day. In May, I see His hand in everything. In May, I’m more contemplative and apparently, in May, I write.

P.S.

Again hours after I wrote this, no plans turned into a delightful evening with friends. We may be just as blessed every month, but in May, we notice.

P.P.S.

I might have to just keep adding to this, because now a day after I wrote this, a person completely unaware of my story, just gave me the one gift I remembered getting on my first Mother’s Day, a beautiful maroon calla lily.