There can be something totally confusing about Father’s Day as a widowed mom. The word “ambivalent” doesn’t even do it justice. It’s hard to know how you think or feel, because you are thinking and feeling for three people.
You are grieving the loss of your partner, while grieving your husband’s loss, and of course, your fatherless child’s loss. Today my mind felt like a pinball in a machine bouncing from thought to thought so fast it had no time to feel any of the three losses. I would have a moment of painful sadness because I missed my husband, but quickly be distracted by the loss she doesn’t even fully know, which leads to his loss of not being fully known.
Mother’s Day was more simple. I was grieving my loss and I felt the pain. But today, who do I grieve for, whose loss is greater, mine, hers, or his?
I have not been one that has generally run from the pain of loss, but it was just too much today and so we ran from activity to activity, and my fuse was short and my patience was thin.
It is not that she didn’t have a great adventure of a day, but it was one of those days when you think she keeps melting down, but then you realize it’s really you
So we’ve made it to the end. Thankful for new mercy’s tomorrow.
Could there be a sweeter way to fall asleep? My mermaid with her kitten using her book light to read about Jesus loving the little children.