Thanksgiving Aftermath – Holidays with Grief

Did anyone else find Thanksgiving extremely difficult?  My Thanksgiving was very smooth and I was surrounded by people I love, but still parts of it were pure torture as I sat still in the commotion and wondered why I was so miserable.  I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that I’m still reeling from the fact that the man I loved and waited for for so long has died.  I bring him up constantly as if he were still a member of the family, but no one else does, at least not in my presence.

I know a lot of people were experiencing their first holiday without their spouse.  I hope for them the anxiety and grief of that first holiday is followed by the relief of having survived.

No one would ever choose to go through the bad to get to the good, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be grateful for whatever little good comes out of the bad.  We have to be grateful for it, to survive.

It was a relief to get back to our home last night and an energizing relief to come back to a home that a friend and cleaned while I was away.  It may have taken me two hours to unpack last night, but I’m preserving this energized clean feeling for as long as I can.  I am so excited about Advent and the new year.  I love fresh starts.  I’m antsy for my She Reads Truth Advent study to arrive and my The Monk Manual planner for next year.

So for those of you, like me, who were struggling with joy and thankfulness on Thursday, it is never too late to make a list and truly thank God for providing and helping us survive the holiday.

1. I survived the pain without breaking down
2. It was a relatively peaceful holiday and everyone mostly got along.
3. I caught up with a couple of friends and family.
4. The weather was amazing so I had over an hour uninterrupted at the cemetery.  (If you want to know you are not alone in your grief, just go to a cemetery on a holiday.  I may be one of the younger ones hanging out there, but I am not the only one.)
5. I am motivated to make a change.
6. I am energized because a friend came and cleaned my house.
7. Zoya and I are healthy.
8. Candles
9. Alexa reads my books to me
10. New weeks