Grief

Two and a Half Years Old

She is two and a half years old today. Her aunt took her to get her nails professionally painted. Oh my!

Am I the only parent who is sorry their baby is potty training?  She’s been in panties for over 24 hours. It’s not easier. She could bring me diapers and wipes. Now I have to help her undress, wipe her, clean out the toilet and sometimes wash her hands. I miss that diaper butt. Toddler panties are not cute. 

I don’t think of myself as someone who doesn’t want their child to grow up, but I’m also still nursing. I found out today that her pediatrician still uses her as an example to parents of newborns, because she lost so much weight after she was born. It took my milk a week to come in, but within three weeks she was fat as a cow.  Apparently, we are the poster child for not giving up.  Who knew?

So we are working hard on obedience right now. She completely gets the concept but still does not understand that she has to do it every time.  It’s all about testing boundaries right now.  

We finally turned her seat around. So now when the light turns greens she tells me I may go. Green says you may go…  it’s a song. 

Last week she stood in front of the mirror and said I am a lady and I am a person. I have no idea where she got that from. Earlier we had been talking about me being a mama and a girl, so I think she was still working out that you could be two things. I just don’t know why she chose those two things.

She likes to copy me and talk to God or talk to daddy. We are still constantly looking at pictures of daddy and talking about things he did and talking about where he is. One of the strangest things that happened after we turned her seat around last week was that when we drove past the cemetery near our church she said that is where her daddy’s body is. Her daddy’s body is buried in Franklin and we were in Atlanta. The cemetery in Franklin has headstones but the cemetary in Atlanta does not. I have no idea how she recognized it as the cemetery.

I love her complicated thoughts and speech, but I am not at all ready to give up diapers and nursing. I guess it’s good I don’t have a choice.  It is amazing and I’ve been a single-parent for almost 1 1/2 years. How ironic that Shah and I spent so much time talking about ensuring that we always put our relationship above our relationship with our child.  Now my relationship with my child is all I have left. I wouldn’t do it any other way though. At least I have no regrets about the time we had together. 

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About Camila

From the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Pro-life leader. Sister to 16 siblings. Daughter of God.

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