Grief

Living with Grief

I’ve read a few articles recently about how grief doesn’t end with the funeral, and how you don’t grieve for a period of time, but for the rest of your life. I’ve not lived the rest of my life, so I don’t exactly know if it’s true. It sounds true, but it depends on what you mean by living with grief.

There are definitely time right now when living with grief means sobbing and wanting it all to be over. When I remember the dreams that never will be and miss him so much it’s hard to breathe. 

But there are also times that I know he is joyful and at peace living with God. And I can be in the moment and enjoy this toddler and the beautiful spring. 

I think part of what living with grief means is that you have to be purposeful about living life and finding joy. I can’t coast with anything right now. If I do, I end up feeling nothing but pain and dispair. 

But I can be purposeful. I HAVE to have my Bible time. I HAVE to find time to be with friends. I HAVE to find ways to enjoy and celebrate life. 

I fellow new widow I’ve met through Facebook is doing a good job taking her kids to the park and on vacation and all those things I did the first few months. Even a month ago, I was more purposefully enjoying life. But the last weeks I’ve been surviving on work and getting by, and not doing either very well right now. 

So Friday, I finally picked myself off the couch and Zoya and I went to get special ice cream on a beautiful evening and spent a few minutes out with friends as well. It was the start of better days. 

Living with grief means, not having the luxury to just be. Living with grief means,  you have to keep climbing or else you slip back. Living with grief means, everything is important, even book, every show, every evening. 

And if that is what that mean by grief never ends, I’m OK with that. It’s exhausting, but it’s really just real life with the blinders off. 

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About Camila

From the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Pro-life leader. Sister to 16 siblings. Daughter of God.

2 comments on “Living with Grief

  1. Hugs my dear 🌹

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