Happy and Sad, Good and Bad, Loss and Gain

Three years ago my holidays began to be amazing, comfortable, right. After about 20 years wishing I wasn’t alone on the holidays, I found my love. 

I now have three years of amazing Thanksgiving memories. 

I miss him so much. My life was whole and now it’s broken. 

In my advent reading a read something, I didn’t even realize was in the Bible. Heb 11:38 “The world was not worthy of them.”

When I first saw his resting body, 3 days after he was shot, the first thought that popped in my mind was, “He was too good for this world.”  I’d never had that thought before and until today, didn’t know there was anything like that in the Bible. 

But the same passage talked about women being given back their loved ones from the dead. That’s all I wanted and didn’t get. And yet it also talked about others dying in hopes of a better resurrection. 

There is nothing simple about death, the loss and the reward, the pain and the hope. 

For now I just have to sit with it, walk through it, learn to be grateful for all I am given and hope for a better tomorrow.