I used to think things people said like, ‘I’m sure ____ is in heaven eating ____ (insert favorite food) or celebrating that Super bowl victory’ was so trite. Why do we think they care about our stupid earthly stuff?
I lost it when we stopped near a sushi restaurant Shah and I once enjoyed. We loved sushi. We would say sushi is better than sex, though maybe that’s because one often led to the other.
I wish I could hear him tell me now that whatever he is experiencing now is better than sushi. But it will likely be 40 or 50 more years before we talk again.
For the most part, this weekend, I’ve been thinking about the night he died and telling myself his life took a sudden turn for the better and that it is just mine that became broken where I have the same life, but my love is gone.
But when we got close to Sushi Den, that thought collapsed. We can no longer fix a long trip, sick man, exhausting day with heavenly sushi. He can’t enjoy it anymore.
I don’t know when I’ll eat sushi again. We went about once a week. I can’t imagine trying it now. I know he would want me to, and so I will. But at a time and a place where I can sob.
I get it now. I totally understand why all those Cubs fans decided to go visit the cemetery. I can’t explain it, but I totally get it.