Grief

Chosing Gratitude Today

Gratitude is a very powerful tool.  It can transform the hardest days into a day of blessings.  It is getting more and more unbelievable that he is gone.  I think those on the outside can grieve more quickly, because they have a better perspective from the outside.  From the inside, everything is grey and blurry, and I can hardly see what happened or what existed before.  But as time passes and slowly things quit swirling and fall to the ground, I can see all the broken pieces.

Today, I decided I’d make a list of things that I’m grateful happened today.

  1. I stumbled across some photos I once sent my father-in-law and they reminded me that I knew Shah for three whole years.  It may not seem like much, but I’ve not been able to think beyond our last few days.  I wanted so many more years, but three years were amazing and I’m glad I’m starting to be able to see a glimpse of those years.thumbnail_photo 4.jpg
  2. 20161023_161958.jpgZoya was good.  Finally.  We’ve had a rough few days and a very rough weekend.  She is fine with Ariel, but when I’m home she is always afraid I will leave and she cried every time I moved.  But today, she was happy and secure.  She was good for Ariel and she was good for me
  3. I got a break!  I actually had the thought today, I can’t wait to go run 12 miles so that I can rest.  OK, so I didn’t make it 12 miles, I ran out of time, but it’s insane that I think running is rest.  THAT is how badly I needed a break and the friend who agreed to watching baby girl was a blessing.
  4. So that actually just reminded me of my fourth gratitude.  I’m grateful that I’m learning.  I’m learning I need breaks.  It’s pride to think I can just keep going.  Today’s thought about running being rest is like that time I got excited when I threw up twice at night because it meant I could call in sick to work.  I’m glad I’m better at taking sick days generally, and breaks before I get sick, but I do need so much more alone time right now.  And I’m grateful I have friends and family to help.

 

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About Camila

From the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Pro-life leader. Sister to 16 siblings. Daughter of God.

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