Grief

Summer of 2016

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I don’t know if I’ll ever know what to think about this summer. We were looking forward to it with such hope and energy. We were moving forward, learning to move at the same pace, Zoya was growing and becoming a little girl, Shah was working, car was getting paid off, I was running, family life was beautiful.
And then Shah was shot and killed.
Everything changed in a moment.
He was happy and chatty, then boom, he was dead, and this was over.
All before summer even started.
We had so many celebrations for the first of Spring, Iranian New Year. I finally got the traditional table right. We had picnics and picnics, travel and time with friends.
But by the first of summer he was gone.
Summer has been a blur. I barely know if I’m coming or going. And yet each day has been so momentous, as I’ve gotten to the end of it with tears and laughter. No event seems unimportant. Everything is special, even the balloons given to cousins and the butterflies playing in the cemetery.
And yet as a whole, it’s a blur. I can’t imagine that it will be anything other than the summer I never wanted to happen. 
I’ve been in Franklin a lot this week. Franklin is healing. Franklin is beautiful. Franklin is surrounded by mountains. And yet sometimes Franklin is the most painful. When I see the pain in others eyes, those who have loved him and are also missing him as family, it makes me remember how real he was. The pain comes strong, but so does the joy of having been his family.
The summer of 2016, the summer of very distinct moments and days, that blend into one never ending blur.

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About Camila

From the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Pro-life leader. Sister to 16 siblings. Daughter of God.

1 comment on “Summer of 2016

  1. editingsarah59

    Think of you often and pray. Think you’re amazing

    Like

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