Grief

Missing His Thoughts

Somehow I feel sure Shah would have a sent me a link to this article or at least asked me if I saw it.

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There is something somehow comforting about knowing him so well, and yet also painful that we can’t share this link.

It’s how life is in general these days. Joy and despair, peace and worry, comfort and pain.

Sometimes it’s the big things, he was shot with a gun at a stop light and I didn’t know for hours after he was dead.

Sometimes it’s the little things, like knowing he would have found this video interesting.

A woman who has been a widow for much longer than I reminded me that I knew Shah well enough to know his thoughts and opinions on things.  For many things, this is true, and I find great comfort in that.

I was bemoaning the fact that I no longer have his voice and opinions and direction to follow.  He was the head of the household, I was the neck, we often joked.  I have always been well aware that what I think is right only has about a 50-50 chance of actually being right.  Our “family decisions” do not feel as comfortable when it’s only my brain.  That is why I found her words so comforting, and true.  Usually, I do know what his opinion and direction would have been.  That is a blessing and makes him feel a little less gone.

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About Camila

From the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Pro-life leader. Sister to 16 siblings. Daughter of God.

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