The question was, what now do I ask, what will bring me joy in this life?
I am slowly transferring my joy from being with Shah and pleasing him to being with God and pleasing God.
It’s scary, but I go back to the verse a pastor gave me. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given unto you.
I do not loose when I seek God first. I gain.
Shah is with God, with joy and pleasures forever. Now I seek to join him, though still on this earth, in God’s presence.