The words spoken by my pastor to prompt this post from last Thanksgiving may be the words I am most grateful for and the ones I believe are the reason I have such little regret when it comes to the way Shah and I spent the days we had together. So I wanted to re-post it here:
My pastor said something at the end of church on Sunday that stuck with me. He talked about praying during the holiday season that he would see the people around him and that he would see God.
I have noticed during this time, which is the anniversary of my second of two visits with my husband before he moved here to marry me, that it now takes a very conscious effort to look outside myself and see him. I remember every little detail from when we first met, how he walked, what he was wearing, his expression, his words; I was getting to know him, I was savoring our time, and all my attention was focused on Him, is thoughts, actions and feelings. But as time passes and we enter the busyness of life it is so easy to become self focused and rather than learn more about the person he is, I can forget all that and focus on the things he does for me, how I feel, and how he cares for me. Rather than getting to know him more and more. I have to think back to remember who he is.
The same thing can happen with a baby. I can focus on who she is, what she wants, her growing likes and dislikes and the girl she is becoming… or I can focus on how much she let’s me sleep, how she makes me feel and what I can do to make life with baby easy. The difference is not so much in the actions, as it is in the focus of the eye of the heart.
The same can happen with family and friends. As we get ready to meet with family for thanksgiving, will I see others and how they are doing or will my eye be on myself and how I am enjoying or not enjoying their company? Will I see those I am with?
Last night, the baby went to sleep before we did and we were able to talk. With this thought in mind, I was able to focus on my husband’s words and his thoughts. I shifted my focus from how his thoughts could affect me and our marriage and focus on him. Listening, not judging. Re-remembering what an interesting, thoughtful person he is. And though it was not the subject of our conversation, re-remembering that he left everything he had known and even the luxury of conversations in one’s mother tongue first for his faith and then for our family.
He is my hero and I’m grateful that I was prompted to see him again.
Who have you been to busy to see recently? Who can you remember to see during the holiday season? Getting together is not enough. Make sure you really see the people you are with.
Camila, this has come back to me so many times over the last 24 hours. It actually called me out on a discussion Jonathan and I had yesterday morning that was solely me being bothered by something he was doing because of how it made me feel (what he was doing was completely harmless.) Thank you for sharing it.
I thank Kris
I am so sorry for your loss. May your husband’s memory always be a blessing to you.
Thank you for your message to be present and to listen with attention and an open heart.