Father Grief

Father’s Day

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My Love,
I have feared this day from the moment you were taken. But we’ve made it to the end and somehow we survived.
This morning I didn’t know how I could be in a world without you.
Later I remembered your plan for Father’s Day was to stay on the couch and rest all day, so I figured you were having a great day and I enjoyed life with our gift, Zoya.
But later, I was hit with the sense of unfair loss and could not stop crying because of the years and time stolen from you.
And then, God reminded me that he gave you three amazing years and I was filled with gratefulness for all we were given.
The difference between focus on what was taken, which we were never actually even given, and focus on what was given, is the difference between the darkest night and the lightest day.
The tears, confusion and anger melt away.
The gift, the smiles, the laughter, the kisses, the love, the baby with those eyes.
I love these photos. They are so us. We spent so much time in this bed laughing, talking, taking photos and playing with Zoya.

It’s the strangest thing. Anytime I am most upset,  if Zoya is around, she starts giving me kisses. She doesn’t seem to notice at all that I’m upset, she has no concern or worry in her eyes, she just smiles and starts kissing.

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