maternity leave

A Time to Mourn

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It’s hard to mourn when looking at this face, unless you are consious of the fact that the stage of 24 hours with this face is about to end.  Baby got to play in the Bumpo for the first time at Mary Beth’s house last night. We had couple’s night but Shah couldn’t join us because he had to work. Still I had a wonderful time with friends. Right now Zoya is young and easy. I hope everyone else has children before she is too big or we have too many to bring them along. I want Shah and I to always priorities our relationship and go have time without the children, but in general I want the children to be included in our fellowship with other people.

But that random thought aside, my mind is elsewhere right now.

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It’s after 6 on the last day before I go back to work. Zoya seems to be in a growth spurt because all she wants to do is sleep, which works well because all I want to do is hold her in my arms.
I’m taking today to mourn the end of a stage. I think tomorrow will be fine and that her time with her daddy will be wonderful. But this is the end of our months together with her as a little baby. No matter how fast God provides a way for me to stay home, she will never be this little again. She will never spend her days laying in my arms and sucking on my breasts. My mother just sent a text that said not to look back. It’s good to enjoy the present moment and to look forward to the future, to coming home and holding her tight every day and watching her develop and grow into the only Zoya there ever will be. I keep remembering a cross stitch that my mom made when we were little. It said:

Quiet down cobwebs
And dust go to sleep
I’m rocking my baby
And babies don’t sleep

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2 comments on “A Time to Mourn

  1. Each time I went back to work after a baby it was hard in a different way. Motherhood is funny the way you can mourn the loss of each stage at the same time you are celebrating the accomplishments of your growing baby. Thanks for sharing.

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