Mommy, Can You Get Married Again?

I was just telling someone at lunch today that my daughter, at age four and a half, still has no idea that I could get remarried. Her daddy died when she was a year old, but unlike most children she had never said anything about another daddy or me marrying again. That changed today.

I’ve assumed it was because her daddy is still such a part of our lives. Today she drew this picture of what she is thankful for: Yaya (Aunt), Mommy, and Daddy. These days she is constantly drawing photos of her family: Mommy, Daddy, and Zoya and even drew all three of us in a photo of who lived in her house, because, as she said, “Daddy can see me, so he has to be in the house.”

She talks about us finding a girl or a boy who has lost their mommy and adopting them constantly. I don’t know where she got that idea. I mean, besides the fact that she is surrounded by people who have been adopted. She first brought it up by playing the “baby game” where she pretends she is a baby that lost her mommy and I ask if I can be her mommy and give her a new name. In the last few weeks, she started to ask if we could find a baby without a mother to adopt. She is even willing for it to be a boy if that is what we can find.

Then as we were sitting in the car today, Zoya said, “I want us to find a baby who lost its mother, or . . ., um, you can get married again?” “Mommy, can you get married another time and have another husband?” She was clearly wondering if I could, not if I was willing. I said, “Yes, since daddy died I could get married again.” Then, trying to keep the conversation open with no leading questions I asked, “Why are you asking if I can get married again?” “Well, I was thinking you could, because of my Bible stories, because there is a girl in there, Ruth, who gets married again.” She’s currently in a stage where she asks to listen to The Beginner’s Bible on Echo every night when she goes to bed, and since she doesn’t fall asleep fast often makes it through the entire thing.

I asked her a little more about what she thought about it, and she said her idea was that it should be someone that was just like her daddy. She also said her preference would be for me to get married again rather than for us to find a baby who lost its mother.

And then . . . I started four hours of work related calls, and went to a speaking engagement. Never have I been so ready for the weekend. Zoya and I have a little more talking to do and a lot more play.