I am completely in love with my daughter. There was a time when the idea of us taking adventures together was only a distant hope, but now we truly are enjoying life.
She will turn three in less than three months. People tell me she will get bad for about a year, but I’m tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m tired of not enjoying what I have because I’m afraid the good will disappear. Tragedy may strike again, but it might not. If it doesn’t, I don’t want to waste my good days worried, and if it does, I don’t want to waste my good days worried.
There is a whole world of difference between worrying and savoring. We often do both because we don’t know if the good times will continue, but they are basically opposite reactions to the same unknown.
These are some of the silly randomness of these simple days that I want to savor.
Yesterday, while I was decluttering at a friend’s house, she went outside a made a “new friend,” made a fairy house, and dug in the mud with her bare hands to feed the birds. Then, because we were running late, I suggested we skip church and go home, but she pitched a fit because she wanted to go see Kris and Marvy, aka Marty. She repaid me for bring her by sleeping quietly on my chest for the whole sermon for the first time since she was a newborn.
She always falls asleep to Kris, our pastor. The first night we stopped nursing and needed to create a new bedtime routine I turned off the lights and listened to a sermon I had missed while she fell asleep in my arms. Since then, she has INSISTED that we listen to Kris every night as she falls asleep. I can sometimes substitute another male pastor without her knowing, unless they happen to say their name or ask us to pray for Kris, and then she shows she IS listening.
She asked to call her nana a few days ago and the first thing she told her was that the blue sky had come back. This is not something we had talked about, but I sure was enjoying it as well.
Most of our time is scheduled around the weather these days. We will go outside in the ran and splash around in our rain boots (I just had to buy myself a pair so she wasn’t splashing by herself), but mostly if the sky turns blue we go outside. I can work when the skies are grey. We are learning many lessons, but the greatest one is to enjoy life again. We are learning to enjoy God’s provisions and celebrate.