Grief

Establishing a Routine for a Reason

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So my goal for the week is to establish some sort of bedtime routine. It’s not so much about bedtime or sleeping for me, it’s about a time of the day where I have the best chance of establishing something like a new normal.

I’m generally not a person that needs a schedule or thrives on patterns.  Even with my child I prize flexibility over predictability.

However, at this point of my life, when nothing seems right, nothing normal, I’ve agreed to try to find a pattern wherever I can. So I’m going to try a bedtime routine.

I know a routine will be good for Zoya. She has thrived in our flexible life and can be happy going to bed at 9 or midnight. But she won’t alway be able to sleep in as long as she wants to sleep and we need a way to eventually change her wildly unpredictable normal. She will be in daycare soon. Plus, I want a routine that she and I look forward to. Bath, shower, reading, nursing, Zoya sleep, Mama read, blog, write, sleep.

Mornings would be awesome. I’d love to start my day reading, writing, talking, thinking; becoming grounded in this new reality of life without my husband by my side. But I get up as late as possible and rush out the door, because I want every last hour of sleep. Maybe by embracing a bedtime, I’ll eventually be able to have my mornings, but this is the step I’m starting today.

I don’t know what it will look like. I expect it will mean screen time for Zoya while Mama showers. I’m still buckling her in that Bumpo though she actually unbuckled yesterday.

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I think if we just generally lock ourselves in the bedroom at a certain time it will be a step in the right direction.  But it needs to be more than that. I need distraction free time. Not time with numbed senses playing games or looking at Facebook. There is a time for that but I’m looking for time where I’m very aware of reality, not when I’m shutting down or distracted.

So fingers crossed I won’t play that bubble popping game tonight and I will seek to see through eyes of faith at the reality of all that is in my life today.

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About Camila

From the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Pro-life leader. Sister to 16 siblings. Daughter of God.

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