TIMG_2661oday my mind is blank and I am not in crisis mode.  I’m just enjoying the funny faces, but also letting my husband hold her while I rest.  I feel like I should have her once I get home, because he has her all day long, but I’m going to take others advise and rest.  Right now, I can see her sleeping on his shoulder on the other couch.  There is a small voice inside my head saying that if he is holding her I should be at work getting things done and looking at a photo of him holding her, but I’m going to try to ignore that voice and allow myself to rest beside still waters.

God gives his beloved rest, but I think often I don’t accept that gift.  I always want to tick off a list of things I’ve accomplished between 5:30 pm and bed time.  It’s a struggle not to make up things for that list on days like today.

  • Ten minutes of post natal yoga
  • Blogging
  • Stretching
  • Using the bathroom twice
  • Drinking a tumbler of water
  • Laying on the floor with baby
  • Giving baby tummy time
  • Resting on the bed in the sun

Check.  Check.  Check.

It is physically resting, but I think there is still an underlying issues when I have to pretend that I’m accomplishing things by putting what I’m doing on a list.  Why is it not good enough to just be?  Can the mind rest from trying to accomplish?  I was not like this when I was young.  I was not like this five years ago.  There is all this writing about living intentionally.  Can I intentionally not intend to do anything, even rest, and rather just BE?

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About Camila

Based in Atlanta, but from the mountains of North Carolina. New widow of a man from Iran. Mother of one precious girl. Anti-human trafficking expert. Sister to 16 siblings (Yes, some of are adopted). Daughter of God.

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