Today my mind is blank and I am not in crisis mode. I’m just enjoying the funny faces, but also letting my husband hold her while I rest. I feel like I should have her once I get home, because he has her all day long, but I’m going to take others advise and rest. Right now, I can see her sleeping on his shoulder on the other couch. There is a small voice inside my head saying that if he is holding her I should be at work getting things done and looking at a photo of him holding her, but I’m going to try to ignore that voice and allow myself to rest beside still waters.
God gives his beloved rest, but I think often I don’t accept that gift. I always want to tick off a list of things I’ve accomplished between 5:30 pm and bed time. It’s a struggle not to make up things for that list on days like today.
- Ten minutes of post natal yoga
- Using the bathroom twice
- Drinking a tumbler of water
- Laying on the floor with baby
- Giving baby tummy time
- Resting on the bed in the sun
Check. Check. Check.
It is physically resting, but I think there is still an underlying issues when I have to pretend that I’m accomplishing things by putting what I’m doing on a list. Why is it not good enough to just be? Can the mind rest from trying to accomplish? I was not like this when I was young. I was not like this five years ago. There is all this writing about living intentionally. Can I intentionally not intend to do anything, even rest, and rather just BE?