I am broken and confused, grieving and in pain, missing my husband with every breath that I breathe, and yet so blessed.
Baby girl and I spent a lot of time together, both alone and with others, and though I don’t always feel the effects, I know God is orchestrating many blessings to bring restoration and new life.
The perfect beginning of fall weather caused us to detour on the way to the store and go play in the park instead. We never made it to the store. Amazon sufficed while baby girl napped beside me.
Thanks to HelloFresh I tweaked spice or two in a recipe a little bit and made my first Iranian food since he died. If felt so right and yet made it even more confusing that he wasn’t there.
I think I got even more confused when we spent the evening with one of the Iranian families that we had become friends with in Clarkston. I tried to follow my husband’s example and bring a gift, but they so out gave me and sent me home with even more Iranian food. With the Farsi and the food, it really didn’t seem possible that he wasn’t there. I made a mental note to text him so very many times. I’ve lost my other half. I’ve lost half of myself.
It was a very full day, so baby and ended he day with cuddles and Zootopia. We didn’t finish yet, so don’t spoil the ending.
It was a full day and I cried often, but crying is better than numb at times. It felt like our last wonderful weekend together, except he wasn’t with us to hold and kiss.
Sunday, was full of more friend time and outdoor time. Church conversations and connections. Singing the song from our wedding that really is the cry of my heart. When we have joy, when we’return in grief, help us to pray.
Then we spent a few hours with a dear friend, an in the trenches work friend. I don’t know that all jobs lead to such true friendships, but there really is nothing that compares to a friendship formed in the trenches of our field.
I have too many photos from our time at the Sleery Hollow Farm Pumpkin Patch, so I’ll share them in gallery form.
I do think I’m doing something right. I am following my husband’s example and living life NOW and not trying to rush to accomplish everything. Getting the most out of life doesn’t mean doing the most things quickly and efficiently, as I used to believe. Living and abundant life very often means doing less, worrying less, thinking less, and just being more.
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