Travel, His Family,and Love 

Three years ago today we explored Franklin and Highlands with his parents. I was pregnant but we hadn’t told anyone. 

Tomorrow, God willing, Zoya and I will travel to Canada so that they can meet Zoya for the first time. They didn’t come sooner because they were waiting for us to have a second child. They applied for a travel visa after he died, but they are still waiting for processing. 

I am so excited to spend time with his parents and brothers, who also love him so much.  They also love Zoya and I, because of him. We are blessed with love because he loved us. 

We hoped his parents could have visited us months ago, but the US visa is taking years and the Canadian visa took days. I’m not going to comment on the travel ban. The logical side of me is annoyed that Iran is included in the ban, because no Iranian has ever been involved in terrorism in the US and Iran is the mortal enemy of ISIS. But it’s not my call and the fact that it is hard for my family, doesn’t mean it’s not good policy. Besides, legally, it doesn’t even apply to us because the ban doesn’t apply to grandparents. 

This timing just feels right though. These 3 years ago today photos were in my TimeHop today. Canada also feels right. I know my soul needs a break but nothing short of his parents’ first opportunity to see their grandchild would have convinced me to take one before the gala in October. 

Zoya does keep asking if Daddy will be there or telling me Daddy will be there.  I believe he will be there in spirit, but she doesn’t understand that and it would just make her confused if I said yes. I do wonder if my subconscious expect him to be there too. My last international travel was to meet him in Istanbul and get engaged. My heart expects the same joy again, and so I will probably have some hard real first breakdowns when I get there. 

The first time I see his parents after he died. This a big one. 

I think when they took this picture I whispered to him something about no one else knowing that I had a child in my tummy.  Keep us in your prayers. It’s a good, hard, painful life.