The Scene

I visited the scene, the place my love was shot, probably the place he left this earth, definitely the place he met Jesus. The hospital where he was taken and formally pronounced dead is just two blocks from this location. You can see it when you sit here. So whether Jesus took him here or waited til the hospital, I know his savior was with him on this corner.
God didn’t kill him. God didn’t take him from us. An evil man shot and killed him. An evil man, without regard for the life of my very loving, very human husband, killed Shah.
God could have stopped it, but he didn’t do it.   He could have saved him, but he didn’t kill him.
I don’t know why.
Sometimes he calms the storm and other times he calms his child.
At the moment he died, right on this corner, God took him into his arms and saved him. He didn’t save his fleshly body, but his life, his soul lives on eternally. And one day, at the resurenction, he will even receive a new body.
Evil thought it won, but good triumphed. Evil thinks it has me beat as well, but God’s goodness will triumph.
Today was a harder day at times. At moments the pain and loss were stronger than ever before. But God truly does not give me more than he gives me the grace and ability to bare. It feels like labor. The emotions come in waves. Except with labor, I had Shah to help me through and I knew what goodness was ahead. This time I labor with many, and yet much more alone, and I have no idea what goodness lies ahead. Though I believe, as always, God’s goodness lies ahead. And I am not truly alone. God’s voice and his presence are more real at times than ever before.
There are also little signs that God is in control, that his eye is on the sparrow, that he is with us and most importantly to me, that he was with Shah. He was shot right beside Blueprint church, the church I went to and loved when I first moved to Atlanta. A member of that church found him and was the first to hold and try to help him. And he was wearing this shirt.

And you can’t see the relevant part of this shirt, because he is wearing a baby, but it says John 3:16.
Christian shirts are not evidence of salvation. His spirit was the evidence. The shirt is just a sign.